Simple Ways to Master Effective Communication

Posted in Perspective · Self Improvement |  Email This Post | by James Rick

In the following post, Dawn of the Salt Lake Tribune asks James Rick about how to master effective communication.

1. Explain how people can master effective communication?

A:#1: Paying Attention to the Non-Verbal First Impressions.

Body language and overall physical appearance speaks volumes before you ever say a word.. Effective communicators must first think about and plan the kind of messages they want to communicate non-verbally. This often means being relaxed, and confident in body posture and facial expressions, well groomed and well attired for the situation. Because people often have a hard time controlling their non-verbal communications (nervous twitches, tension, social anxiety, etc) I discuss in my book Unleash Your Full Potential – strategies for taking control of these things as well. Hint: Awareness plays the biggest role in non-verbal communication.

#2 Paying Attention to How You Communicate

When you actually start speaking, notice the WAY in which you say it. Studies indicate that in addition to body language, tone plays a major factor in how a message is interpreted. The words “I’m going to kill you” mean something very different when they are said in a playful tone versus an angry one.

Body gestures can emphasize and add weight to a message or distract from a message if they are not congruent. Congruency is critical for believability in what you are saying. If for example you stand up say “We are going to win this thing” but your body posture or gestures indicate a lack of belief in yourself, you will have a hard time convincing anyone else of your chances of victory. But if you sincerely believe in what you are saying and say it with solid congruency – alignment of body, tone and words – you create a very strong “frame” of believability that makes it easier to convince others. Some of the greatest orators, military generals and leaders have learned this one simple fact – if you come from a frame of strong belief and conviction in what you are saying and are congruent while you say it – you can move millions into action.. even if what you are saying is wrong!

#3 Saying What You Want to Say in the Simplest Way Possible

Effective communicators are clear and concise about what they are communicating. A complex idea broken down into its simplest, most easy to understand form ensures that the greatest number of people that hear it will understand it. Complex ideas do not require complex communication. Stories and metaphors are something everyone can relate to and are therefore one of the simplest ways to get an idea across. When Einstein communicates his theory of time, he uses the example of spending 3 minutes with a pretty girl can seem like 30 minutes, while 3 minutes with your hand on the stove can seem like 30 minutes. What may sometimes seem like “fluff” is actually useful in softening up hard facts so they can be digested by greatest number of minds.

2. What do you mean by how people communicate matters more than what
they actually say?

A: I believe this question is answered above. Non verbal communication says so much more than words, though we don’t want  to dismiss the importance of words. Emerson once said, “What you are speaks so loudly I cannot hear a word that you say.”

3. How can speakers use facial expressions, eye contact, posture and
tone to underscore the message?

A: The face is one of the most extraordinary communication tools for a human.

People look to the eyes and face to not only understand the words, but try to see beyond what is being said (the non-verbal stuff). Speakers can use this knowledge to “practice” using their eyes and face like you would an instrument. I suggest when you find yourself home alone to practice using your face and speaking in front of the mirror. Talk to yourself – literally as if you would another person and notice how you speak, gestures you use and facial expressions. Also video tape yourself speaking to others and notice all the non-verbal stuff you do. It’s hard to analyze yourself while you’re speaking but its easy to analyze yourself after you’ve already spoken. It’s important to note you are analyzing not to judge yourself negatively – but to improve the way you communicate. So look at this exercise with curiosity rather than self-judgment. Study yourself with curiosity (which is the perfect trigger for awareness) and have faith that through small conscious adjustments on a daily basis you’ll eventually find yourself one day communicating in ways where people can’t help but listen and be moved by what you have to say.

4. Explain how speakers can disable their defense mechanism.

A: A speakers defense mechanism (or an audiences) is triggered in response to a perceived vulnerability. People don’t say to themselves “I’m feeling vulnerable so now I’m going to bring out my shield.” The Ego just does it automatically as a way to protect itself and most people would describe it as feeling “uncomfortable”. A speaker is greatly hindered by their own defense mechanisms because it hurts their ability to be congruent and therefore credible. Defense mechanisms fire off and produce tension in the face, break eye contact,  stand or gesture in ways that are not effective for supporting what’s being said.

The best way to “disable” a defense mechanism is to become more self aware. And take your “self” out of the equation when you are speaking. For example I invest some time daily in contemplating and answering the question “who am I really?” and in the process I realized that my identity built upon the interpretations of my life experience and my reactions to the feedback of others. That’s a really deep way of saying – my identity is no more “real” than my opinion of a movie. And once you truly grasp that concept you stop taking yourself so serious or what others have to say about you so serious. When you no longer feel like your “life” is at risk when your identity feels like its being challenged – you can accept feedback and criticism without getting knocked off center. You can relax and stop worrying about how good you look or how well you are being received and just focus on what you are really trying to get across to others. And perhaps most importantly – when you are being or doing something that is greater than your self, you don’t care as much about being vulnerable as you communicate – because its not about you! It’s about the message.  For example – people that are really passionate about a subject are usually more free flowing in their message and get wrapped up in what they are saying to a point they lose themselves for a while in the “flow” and will reflect on it later and say I can’t believe I did or said that.. I can’t believe it was me! That’s when the self has returned to analyze itself.  In short, if the self analyzes itself WHILE it’s communicating – defense mechanisms will fire. To disable them – the self needs to forget itself (and not judge others negatively) while its communicating – which takes practice.

With positive energy,
James Rick
james@fullpotential.com
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